Cold Feet
by GlassBomb
Summary: On poker night, Rimmer finds an unconventional way of doing something he's wanted to do for a long time. Slash and cuteness content.


**Author note: More boredom-inspired RxL slash, courtesy of moi. I was sitting in my computer chair earlier eating meringue nests, and I was quite literally smacked in the face with this one. Seemed like a chuckle, so I thought I'd write it up. Apologies in advance for my bloody terrible poetry. Written to Your Glasses, by Maria Mena. Never heard of the woman to be honest, but it's a good tune and a bit Rimmer/Listery if you give it a little poetic licence.**

**Little bit of info:**

**Spoilers: References Better Than Life and Me****2**

**Plot: What plot? ;D Basically, Lister on a treasure hunt with Rimmer as the grand prize (and let's face it, why wouldn't you want Chris Barrie in the middle of your labyrinth? StarQuality gets it if no one else does. ;D)**

**Timeline: The usual - between Legion and Stoke, but a lot closer to the latter.**

**Canon: Is it smeg. **

**Warnings: Gets very fluffy. Tonne-of-feathers fluffy. But it's cute. xD**

**Anyway, onwards and upwards - let me know what you think people.**

Slightly concerned that he hadn't seen his boyfriend in over an hour and after losing eight straight hands of poker and all his chips to Kryten, Lister bid goodnight to his two friends - who he had noted, in great annoyance, had been throwing one another knowing glances and grins all night to the point that Lister had mentally questioned if they were secretly shacked up - and made his way to his shared bunkroom, wondering if his hologramatic soulmate was alright.

Upon reaching the room, Lister sighed as he acknowledged Arnold Rimmer's lack of presence. The only visible signs that the hard-light had recently been there was the noticeable tidiness of the place and the intricately folded note - displaying simply the word 'Dave' in Rimmer's neat and cursive scrawl - pinned to the far wall. Curious, Lister pulled it off, carefully opened it and began to read.

_Dear Listy,_

_I'm no good at poetry,_

_You know that it's true;_

_But if you can find me_

_I've got something for you._

_We've been together a while,_

_And all that time_

_Whenever I'm with you_

_I'm on top of cloud nine._

_So tonight, my love,_

_Here's a little test;_

_Head to corridor two_

_To begin this quest._

_Arnold_

_-x-_

Half-intrigued by the note and half-amused at his partner's lack of poetic prowess, Lister shrugged, pocketed the note and headed off in excitement, thinking of his relationship with Rimmer.

They had been together for just past six months now - only a few days after he'd gained a hard-light drive - and the space bum was enjoying every second of it. As intense, loving and protective over him as the hologram could be, the most startling and welcome change had come in form of Rimmer's maturing as a person - he had become a warmer, nicer, more fun and less insecure individual under Lister's love, and was now a well-liked crew member with a lighter spirit and a more carefree manner. And as much as he had cared for the man before, the Scouser loved the revamped Rimmer more than ever.

Grinning and walking into corridor two, he noticed another note and opened it gently, casting enthusiastic eyes over it.

_Listy,_

_One step down,_

_Three to go;_

_Until you can give me_

_A yes or a no._

_I love you to bits,_

_So the next clue is this:_

_You'll find the next note_

_Where we had our first kiss._

_Arnold_

_-x-_

Grinning at the memory of that moment, Lister headed off to the cockpit, the air feeling suddenly hotter as he contemplated it. Shared shift, almost hit by a comet, dust storm, gentle lips…

He arrived there quickly, and saw a small piece of paper folded onto his usual seat. Picking it up, he forced himself to prise it apart slowly so as not to damage the contents.

_Listy,_

_Two steps down,_

_Two to go;_

_Until you can give me_

_A yes or a no._

_You've made me so happy_

_And I want you to know,_

_That Kryten's spin dryer_

_Is where you should go._

_Arnold_

_-x-_

" '_Until you can give me a yes or a no' _?" Lister repeated, bewilderment echoing through his bloodstream as he headed in the direction of the mechanoid's launderette. "What the smeg are you up to, Rimsy?"

Confusion accompanied him down the stairs with a furrowed brow as he read the note all the way there, attempting to make some sense of the repeated verse.

"A yes or no to _what_?" The space bum pondered as he hit the door release mechanism and searched around the launderette, wondering vaguely why Kryten wasn't doing a late-night scrub. Deciding that he didn't care, he smiled as he noticed the next message, and pulled it opened with a slight impatience.

_Listy,_

_Three steps down,_

_One to go;_

_Until you can give me_

_A yes or a no._

_You're all that I want,_

_That's all I can say;_

_Find the next note_

_In the medibay._

_Arnold_

_-x-_

Almost running now in anticipation of the final note with his puzzlement reaching critical levels, Lister was in the medibay in moments, grinning in triumph as he swiped up the last note.

_Listy,_

_All steps done,_

_None to go;_

_Now you can give me_

_A yes or a no._

_You're not just my lover,_

_You're also my best friend;_

_Come to the drive room_

_To see out this quest's end._

_Arnold_

_-x-_

Bizarrely, Lister no longer felt compelled to rush - now not storming down Anticipation Alley at breakneck pace, the Liverpudlian appreciated the leisurely walk and the thought that Rimmer had put into this situation (whatever this situation was).

Heading down the stairs and into the drive room, Lister smiled as he saw Rimmer standing beside the table, looking nervous but cheerful.

"Evening," the hologram greeted warmly, surveying the Scouser with nothing but affection. "Sorry about the awful poetry."

Lister chuckled.

"Hey, you know what they say about the thought countin'," he quipped, and Rimmer shrugged through a laugh.

"I was never very poetic," he answered honestly. "I was always reasonably good at English, but Father didn't encourage poetry. Poets, after all, didn't become Space Corps high-rollers."

A twinkle of sadness shined in the hard-light's eye for a moment, and Lister smiled, taking Rimmer's hands.

"Yer dad might not have said it, but I for one am proud of you," he promised, and it was as though someone had just struck a match within the hologram's heart, for he swept Lister into an embrace and held him tightly.

"You don't understand how much that means to me," he whispered softly, gratitude and love prominent upon his features. Clutching him equally firmly in response, Lister suddenly recalled that he had been led here for something that was as yet still secretive.

"So why am I here, Rimsy?"

Rimmer pulled back slightly, and gave a gentle smile.

"I love you and I need you with all my heart," he whispered. "You're everything to me, all I have, and you've helped me become a real person - a person that people like, that _I_ like. You've supported me, you've kept me laughing, you've shown me that it's possible for someone to care for me and you haven't known it, but I've been so scared of it all ending that I haven't given you everything I could have."

Lister's eyes widened in slight surprise, and Rimmer looked both apologetic and guilty.

"I'm still terrified of you leaving me, whether romantically or in death, and maybe I always will be. I've given you everything except my soul because I was so scared of letting you so far in and then losing you…"

Rimmer shook slightly as he thought about the consequences of that, and Lister gave an understanding smile; he felt the same way, but not being as mentally damaged as the hologram, it didn't keep him awake at night - despite the fact that he still greatly feared it.

"I'll never leave you voluntarily," the Scouser vowed, and Rimmer nodded in comprehension.

"I'm always going to fear it though," the hard-light admitted softly, "and I won't keep giving you second best, especially not when you give me all you have whenever I need it. You're here, Listy, because I'm going to offer you everything I am."

Reaching down and into his pocket, he pulled out a crushed velvet box, deep blue in hue, and flipped it open.

"Don't feel obliged to accept," the hologram murmured in reassurance as Lister gasped as the contents, "but I have to ask: David Lister, will you marry me?"

Lister met the hologram's dark eyes, sparkling with hope and love, and felt as though as he had just won a thousand lotteries on the same day.

"Until you can give me a yes or a no…" he realised, now appreciating the significance of the words.

"Yeah," the second technician said tenderly, simply.

"How…" he managed to whisper, looking at the elegant silver band, absolutely stunned.

Rimmer looked a little anxious.

"Well, the thing is, Kryten's got this detachable vicar chip that gives him full licence to perform weddings, funerals, christenings and bar mitzvahs after six-thirty on a Thursday evening, so I thought -"

Lister laughed outright.

"I was on about the ring and how you got it, but _seriously_?"

Rimmer nodded, looking thoughtful.

"Seriously."

"Why six-thirty on a Thursday?" Lister enquired in genuine curiosity, and Rimmer shrugged.

"Oh, don't worry - that only applies to christenings and bar mitzvahs," he assured, staring intently into the younger man's eyes. "So, going back a little, Listy - what do you think? I know I'm probably not the best husband you could have, but -"

"Arnold?"

"Yes, David?"

"Shut up, alright?" The Liverpudlian instructed with a grin, holding him tightly. "Yes, I'll smeggin' marry you!"

Beaming, Rimmer felt like he was about to explode with foreign happiness, and instead cupped Lister's cheek gently.

"Thank you," he whispered in soft ecstasy, drawing the ironically smooth lips towards him. "I love you so much, Listy…"

A single tear of joy slipped down the hologram's cheek as he kissed his new fiancé with passion and tenderness, slipping the ring onto his finger as he did so.

"But I haven't got you one," Lister commented eventually, and Rimmer shrugged.

"Good job I've got a spare then, isn't it?"

Lister had to laugh as Rimmer pulled an identical ring from his pocket and handed it to him, to which he slipped it onto the hologram's hand.

"I brought these when I was eighteen," he explained quietly. "I thought that even though I was a total loser, someone someday might be crazy enough to care about me, and they'd appreciate this. I wasn't expecting it to be a man, fair enough, but it was - and I couldn't be happier if I tried."

Grinning, they kissed again, and were almost instantly interrupted by the sound of freshly corked champagne and a resounding yell of "congratulations!" Confused and amused, Lister pulled away and saw Kryten and the Cat in the doorframe, wearing identical grins to the ones they had worn during poker.

"You _knew_," he accused with wide eyes, laughing as a champagne flute was thrust into his hand and immediately topped up by the Cat.

"Hell yes!" He answered, giving Rimmer a high-five. "Nice one, man - but I'd have held the cuteness."

"I'll bare it in mind," the hologram replied in amusement, having his own champagne served by Kryten.

"Where did ya get this stuff?" Lister enquired in bewilderment - he'd thought that they'd seen the last of the champagne ages ago.

"Oh, a derelict a few weeks back sir," the mechanoid exclaimed, "the same one on which we got that inflatable crocodile with the head of Marilyn Monroe. But to hell with that - may I raise a toast to the happy couple, Mister Lister and Mister Rimmer, and wonder for all which name they're going to take!"

Grins and laughs rose up as they all toasted and downed the alcohol, which tasted oddly of a fusion of coffee beans and bacon, but was nevertheless fabulous.

"Hey, that's a good point actually," Rimmer commented. "Dave Rimmer or Arnold Lister…"

Swatting him lightly, Lister kissed him, and Kryten and the Cat cheered together for the most unlikely couple in the universe.

**Author note, part two: I told you it was a sap-fest. ;D Let me know what you reckon, guys.**


End file.
